Flora was the third of four children born to C. W. and Annie Van Horn. The others were Boyd (1894-1992, my great-grandfather), Roena (1896-1963), and Wilhelm (1902-1928). During Flo's short life, the family lived on a horse and cattle ranch near Miles City, MT. Annie was a devoted mother with a strong sense of humor and passion for literature, and she wrote extensively about her children's activities in journals and datebooks (excerpts transcribed below).
Sometimes it can be easy to forget that the siblings of our ancestors who died in infancy or as young children were not just names mentioned in passing on a chart. The memories may fade as the decades pass, but those names and short lives represent a very real heartache that many of us living today have never known and rarely even thought about.
This memorial to my great-great-aunt Flora invites you to pause for a moment, and think about the life of a little child, less than three years old, who lived and died more than a hundred years ago. Once upon a time, she was very real indeed, and not so different from children today.
WARNING: Part of the following text includes Annie Van Horn's first-hand account of Flora's illness and death from diphtheria, which is somewhat medically graphic and also emotionally harrowing. It is not an easy read, but I feel that it belongs here. For readers who are sensitive to such things, I have put a row of asterisks (****) in the text below to warn that it is coming up.
I have retained Annie's spelling as much as possible, but clarified references [in parentheses] in places. In a few cases, I was unable to decipher Annie's handwriting.
1901
At four mos one week Flo plays a game with me. She lies on back on rug, kicks, strikes and pants for a moment, then turns face to get response when she giggles; and plays again for a long time. Yesterday took things in hand for first time and is just picking at objects with awkward fingers. Sings herself to sleep, "ah-ah-ah"
At 5 mos 3 weeks Flo shakes head slowly and repeatedly to play with the children. She has dinner then goes to bed awake at dark and with only mild protest goes to sleep alone. Only way I can get her to sleep except to go with her.
At 6 mos 6 days she sits alone and plays buttons for 20 minutes or thereabouts.
Says "mam, mam" when she wants me every time from 6 1/2 mos.
At 7 1/2 mos discovers active locomotion--creeping. When I rock-a-by, spreads mouth open wide and sings "ah! ah! ah! ba! ba! ba!" She is so happy to go where she wishes and get for self all the different things on the floor.
At 8 mos 1 week climbs by chairs readily and in two weeks more can walk with a hand to steady her. Marks on slate with pencil. Says "papa" and "bye, bye, bye". 8 1/2 mos first two teeth. Gets behind curtains and says "bow" (boo).
Roena says baby is wet as a watermelon.
At 9 1/2 mos stands alone. At 10 mos 4 days leaves wall and walks to me alone.
1902
When Flo is 13 1/2 mos old I have occasion to correct Roena with a switch, then I step to her as she lies in buggy to see if panties are wet, she frowns at me kicks and strikes, and as I go away holds out hands to Roena.
Before she is 14 mos old Flo says "ta" thank you with the most elaborate bow possible. Says "get out of that" calls "co boss!" "chick, chick, chick!" "Boyd, Boydie, Boydie!" says "duck" and lots of other words.
At 16 mos feeds herself nicely with a spoon and holds her cup nicely while she drinks.
Flo goes out and takes the dog's pork rind away from him, goes to eating it and tells him "To!" (thank you).
At 18 1/2 mos discards didies for panties and comes in from play regularly calling loudly, "mama!"
I find her in my chair at sewing machine looking very happy. She smiles and says "d'out" (get out), "mine."
Flo has learned to point finger and say "sh -- -- --!" at us. When in mischief she sh's me till I laugh then continues, as soon as I look over, back comes the finger at me some more.
Flo snatches things from W.helm. I say "I will spank you if you don't..." etc. She says "no, spank Bide."
1903
16 Jan 1903 - Van brot rooster home from Martin's. Jack Hume here. Flo's birthday. Weather warm.
W'helm sits in big chair playing with whisk broom. Flo takes it from him. I tell her to give it up. She stands and tells him to say "dup, dup!" (thank you). He smiles and reaches for the broom, then she lays it down strong. "Dup, dup!" she says bobbing up and down almost shaking the floor in her earnestness. Beez smiles and winks, makes futile reaches for the broom and Flo persists for a matter of five to ten minutes while I am laughing so I cannot enforce orders. She very much in earnest teaching manners to Beez.
She loves stories but when I tell them she laughs so I get to laughing and have to break off short.
Flo has a fashion of being "scared" on any or all occasions. She then puts her arm over her eyes and goes it blind to any place she pleases.
Picks up a paper and reads softly to herself "B-o-am-a-doose!"
4 Mar 1903 - Children have bad colds. Flo coughs hard. Helm very sore. Churned.
5 Mar 1903 - Children much better. V back from town. Another dead calf.
Flo is barefoot. She wishes to go out, finds and puts on one shoe, says she is going out. I say "one poor little foot will freeze in the snow." She sits down, slips off the one shoe, puts it on other foot and says, "Do out!"
6 Apr 1903 - Baker to dinner. Flo cried for papa. A stopped in. Snow gone. Raw wind.
21 Apr 1903 - Went to town, V, Flo, H and I. Overtook Mr Stobe and took him in.
[Wilhelm] takes steps alone the day before he is 10 mos old--just five days earlier than Flo did it.
6 May 1903 - Van cut posts and finished. Flo and Helm have bad colds.
Boyd and Roena are at Bakers at school. Flo is very lonesome for them. She finds a group picture, them and herself, and tells the names over several times with love in voice and eyes she says, "Elo, Eenea, Elo!"
11 May 1903 - Fencing. SH man called. Flo quite ill. Cold on lungs.
15 May 1903 - M and V setting posts. [???] settle [???]. J Hume here. Flo quite ill. Cooler.
16 May 1903 - Got already to take F to town to see Dr, but gave it up. Posts. Moderate.
17 May 1903 - Flo better. V and M go to Plunkets for potatoes. Drive Mand on wagon 1st ture [?]. Mrs Johnson and Nellie [???] caure [?].
20 May 1903 - Bonner gone wolfing. Van home at night. Flo gaining slowly. Very sore throat.
21 May 1903 - Van strung a few posts. Martha to supper. Gone to Stobes. Flo's throat better.
23 May 1903 - Stormy. Van hunted horses all day. Flo's throat all well. Turned calves out again.
Before Helm is 11 mos he stands by my clothes basket when I am washing and pulls out my clothes. I cry "hi!" at him and stamp my foot. Flo does the same. he looks at one then the other, sets himself down and hammering both heels on floor yells, "i i i."
17 Jul 1903 - Nellie and Bonner here to [???] Van. Made waists for Flora. Monte Bray here looking for roundup. Stayed all night. Cool. Nellie and Bonner here at noon. Nellie says Davis wants to resign his Administratorship in the Philbrick estate and she wants Van to assume it. Bonner tells us of a "faire counterie" up north 150 miles where we can feed our hungry stock this winter. On the south banks of the Missouri. He will go along and rent some cattle if he can. I think there is little doubt we shall go as soon as Van can get ready. Says the water is soft and fine drink water. That is a great inducement. Boyd is quite distracted over the idea of fishing, wishes to send at once for fishing tackle. Roena wants a bathing suit made at once.
[a little rhyme by Flora's sister Roena:]
Flora Margurite
Is so very sweet
That we are afraid the bees will eat er up dup.
*******************************************************************************
WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF ILLNESS AND DEATH OF A YOUNG CHILD
*******************************************************************************
11 Aug 1903 - Flo is quite ill. I hold her in arms most all day. Nellie and Fred Lazenby come in PM, Van after dark. A shower at 4.
12 Aug 1903 - We come to Pa's. Nellie, Fred, Fae, Roena and my babies and I. The women folks are gone to Harris's.
13 Aug 1903 - Flo rests poorly. Nellie stays up all night putting cool cloths on hot body. Flo is in a high fever. Roena and Fae are left at Morrisons, the rest of us go on to town. Mrs Johnson agrees to keep us and I am so thankful for that. Fred drives us to Dr Grey's office where I have my little one examined. Dr says she has acute tonsilitis and gives me medicine.
Aug 14, 1903 - Nellie and Fred visit the Reform school. Flo passed a wretched night. I scarcely slept a minute. Wilhelm is quite at home here. Dr comes at 11 AM and allays my fears. Says Flo is in no danger with good care. Mother gives herself up wholly to caring for the dear love--that is her best.
Aug 15 - Nellie's case was to have come off today, but Land fails to appear. Four times they have failed her. I go over town in PM leaving Nellie with the babies. Get an atomizer for Flo's throat. Nellie sets me to cooling my baby girl with wet cloths and ice water. Flo is more comfortable. Dr called. N stayed here all night.
Aug 16th - Nellie returns to pa's taking Wilhelm and picks up two girlies. It is such a relief to have my time to devote entirely to my fevered darling. Dr called today and Lily Lantis with him. Lily has fractured arm bone. Flo is kept in comparative comfort in cool cloths.
Aug 17 - Got a good nights rest with my dear dollie girl in cool towels. She is very weak and ill. She is saying "dove me mama". When I lay her on the cold wet towel she screams "bad egg mama." Another time she said "I don't dike oo mama!" in about a minute she said softly, "I dike oo mama." No Dr today.
Aug 18 - Pa here at 7 oclock. Dr at 11:30. Flo's fever continues and she has disinterry. Dr changes medicine. I take her temperature every hour from 2 PM until 8. Flo's rectum and vagina are inflamed and itching. I get carboli salve but it seems to do little good.
Wednesday 19 - Flo passed a bad night. I was up every 2 hours or less all night. Dr sent up a rubber pan and I flushed her bowels 3 times a day with water and witch hazel. Stopped colored medicine and throat wash.
Aug 20 - Pa married today. Flo baby very hot and weak and restless. I am getting much worried but Dr calls at 4 PM and says she is not dangerously ill. Gives medicine for kidneys. Makes plaster for irritated vagina and rectum but it does not calm the itching. Dear hands are put in mittens to keep fingers from scratching.
Aug 21 - Flo is delerious in night and rests very little. I am greatly worried. She fights me with mitten hands and wild eyes when she wakes from nap calling pitteously "mama mama mama". Sleeps from 12:30 till 3 then till 4. Dr examins urine. I make pink mosquito tent for her. Bessie comes to see us. Nellie comes to town with children but none come in and she takes them away again. My little love is not herself at all. Cries for mama in Mrs Johnson's lap while I am gone to closet. The dear eyes are dim and life light has given place to a dull stare. Dr comes and again gives me hope. She did not rest at night and is failing in strength. Pa looked in at night leaving coat and robes here. Goes away looking sorry.
Saturday 22 - My darling baby rested not at all last night and will not speak to nor notice me when I plead for a word. Dr comes and says he will consult with Dr Bruning. I know now that I must part with my baby girl who has lain on my heart and in my heart close oh so close these two past years and more. If by lifting my hand I could stay her life and make her well I would not do it. God knows how dear she is to me--too dear to bear life's burdens that a loving mother might not save her from. I do know and thank God that what time she has been with me has been all love and sunshine for we two, my dear dear baby girl and me. We have all loved her from the first and she has known nothing but love and sunshine. "Mama dove me?" Ah God, why must mothers love so much? All summer after she had taken the drink of "bossy milk" that was meat and drink to her at table the dear curly head must rest in my lap while I finished eating. If I had pushed her away how could I live now with the memory of it. The Drs come but they have no need to tell me more. I have sent word to poor papa to come. The dear face is swolen. Diphtheria is taking the sweet body from mother's arms. I must not kiss or hold her more. The sweet hands that have been held up a hundred times for me to kiss must be kissed no more.
Aug 23 - The dear life went out at 6:40 this morning without a moan. Oh God I thank thee that I did not have to see my baby strangle and choke. Dear Bessie's Johnsons linament relieved her when she got worse at 2 oclock, and with flannel on her throat she rested easy till the messenger came and took my blossom leaving only the faded petals. We left the house at 5 to lay the little cloak away in the earth. My old school mate Philo Haines spoke a few words at the grave and asked God's blessing upon us all. Darling Flo wears a new cloak now and maybe another pair of hands are reached to me from another sphere and a sweet voice calls "I know oo dove me mama." Dear mother Flora, now you may clasp in your arms my baby with your name. I am glad to give her to you, mama darling. God has been good to me.
Aug 23
Darling Bo ceases the sweet prattle and loving ways mother's heart has cherished so long. All summer long she has repeated the query, "Dove me mama?" Just a sweet comfort to me for the days that are to come. Kisses and kisses asked for and given, just like a big, big good by when the dear life must part from the mother who loved her so. One sweet dear blossom plucked from my garden, and ah I miss the sweet fragrance every day and every hour. Just one more kiss--ah just one.
24 Aug 1903 - Mrs Johnson and I wash the clothes. Papa and Boydie come. Father and Mabel call.
25 Aug 1903 - We look for Bruning to disinfect. Papa and Boydie go home.
26 Aug 1903 - Dr Bruning comes at noon and disinfects best he can.
27 Aug 1903 - Rained all day long. I read and wait.
28 Aug 1903 - Did most of the washing--a very big one. Very cold.
29 Aug 1903 - I did all the big ironing and am very tired.
30 Aug 1903 - I look for pa to take me home all day. I am longing to go.
Flo baby would sometimes say "I can't mama!" when asked to go into another room, and would place an arm over her eyes and go it blind fold, then come back on a run. Often went to her closet seat with dear eyes protected cause "I can't." During last illness I put cold, wet towels around her to reduce the fever. Once she was saying "Dove me mama?" then feeling the cold cloth cried out "bad egg mama!" Once she scolded me about the cold cloths "I don't like oo mama!" but very soon added in a sweet voice "I does dove oo mama." She spelled her name "F-o-L-o" for me always. Her favorite game was sitting on floor, often all alone playing "Simon says thumbs up." She would say "birds fly" and fly the dear fingers, "fishes swim" and swim her fishes then, horses fly, cows fly, and sheeps fly, regardless of Eena's repeated explaining that horses must not fly.
Sometimes it can be easy to forget that the siblings of our ancestors who died in infancy or as young children were not just names mentioned in passing on a chart. The memories may fade as the decades pass, but those names and short lives represent a very real heartache that many of us living today have never known and rarely even thought about.
This memorial to my great-great-aunt Flora invites you to pause for a moment, and think about the life of a little child, less than three years old, who lived and died more than a hundred years ago. Once upon a time, she was very real indeed, and not so different from children today.
WARNING: Part of the following text includes Annie Van Horn's first-hand account of Flora's illness and death from diphtheria, which is somewhat medically graphic and also emotionally harrowing. It is not an easy read, but I feel that it belongs here. For readers who are sensitive to such things, I have put a row of asterisks (****) in the text below to warn that it is coming up.
I have retained Annie's spelling as much as possible, but clarified references [in parentheses] in places. In a few cases, I was unable to decipher Annie's handwriting.
1901
At four mos one week Flo plays a game with me. She lies on back on rug, kicks, strikes and pants for a moment, then turns face to get response when she giggles; and plays again for a long time. Yesterday took things in hand for first time and is just picking at objects with awkward fingers. Sings herself to sleep, "ah-ah-ah"
At 5 mos 3 weeks Flo shakes head slowly and repeatedly to play with the children. She has dinner then goes to bed awake at dark and with only mild protest goes to sleep alone. Only way I can get her to sleep except to go with her.
At 6 mos 6 days she sits alone and plays buttons for 20 minutes or thereabouts.
Says "mam, mam" when she wants me every time from 6 1/2 mos.
At 7 1/2 mos discovers active locomotion--creeping. When I rock-a-by, spreads mouth open wide and sings "ah! ah! ah! ba! ba! ba!" She is so happy to go where she wishes and get for self all the different things on the floor.
At 8 mos 1 week climbs by chairs readily and in two weeks more can walk with a hand to steady her. Marks on slate with pencil. Says "papa" and "bye, bye, bye". 8 1/2 mos first two teeth. Gets behind curtains and says "bow" (boo).
Roena says baby is wet as a watermelon.
At 9 1/2 mos stands alone. At 10 mos 4 days leaves wall and walks to me alone.
1902
When Flo is 13 1/2 mos old I have occasion to correct Roena with a switch, then I step to her as she lies in buggy to see if panties are wet, she frowns at me kicks and strikes, and as I go away holds out hands to Roena.
Before she is 14 mos old Flo says "ta" thank you with the most elaborate bow possible. Says "get out of that" calls "co boss!" "chick, chick, chick!" "Boyd, Boydie, Boydie!" says "duck" and lots of other words.
At 16 mos feeds herself nicely with a spoon and holds her cup nicely while she drinks.
Flo goes out and takes the dog's pork rind away from him, goes to eating it and tells him "To!" (thank you).
At 18 1/2 mos discards didies for panties and comes in from play regularly calling loudly, "mama!"
I find her in my chair at sewing machine looking very happy. She smiles and says "d'out" (get out), "mine."
Flo has learned to point finger and say "sh -- -- --!" at us. When in mischief she sh's me till I laugh then continues, as soon as I look over, back comes the finger at me some more.
Flo snatches things from W.helm. I say "I will spank you if you don't..." etc. She says "no, spank Bide."
1903
16 Jan 1903 - Van brot rooster home from Martin's. Jack Hume here. Flo's birthday. Weather warm.
W'helm sits in big chair playing with whisk broom. Flo takes it from him. I tell her to give it up. She stands and tells him to say "dup, dup!" (thank you). He smiles and reaches for the broom, then she lays it down strong. "Dup, dup!" she says bobbing up and down almost shaking the floor in her earnestness. Beez smiles and winks, makes futile reaches for the broom and Flo persists for a matter of five to ten minutes while I am laughing so I cannot enforce orders. She very much in earnest teaching manners to Beez.
She loves stories but when I tell them she laughs so I get to laughing and have to break off short.
Flo has a fashion of being "scared" on any or all occasions. She then puts her arm over her eyes and goes it blind to any place she pleases.
Picks up a paper and reads softly to herself "B-o-am-a-doose!"
4 Mar 1903 - Children have bad colds. Flo coughs hard. Helm very sore. Churned.
5 Mar 1903 - Children much better. V back from town. Another dead calf.
Flo is barefoot. She wishes to go out, finds and puts on one shoe, says she is going out. I say "one poor little foot will freeze in the snow." She sits down, slips off the one shoe, puts it on other foot and says, "Do out!"
6 Apr 1903 - Baker to dinner. Flo cried for papa. A stopped in. Snow gone. Raw wind.
21 Apr 1903 - Went to town, V, Flo, H and I. Overtook Mr Stobe and took him in.
[Wilhelm] takes steps alone the day before he is 10 mos old--just five days earlier than Flo did it.
6 May 1903 - Van cut posts and finished. Flo and Helm have bad colds.
Boyd and Roena are at Bakers at school. Flo is very lonesome for them. She finds a group picture, them and herself, and tells the names over several times with love in voice and eyes she says, "Elo, Eenea, Elo!"
11 May 1903 - Fencing. SH man called. Flo quite ill. Cold on lungs.
15 May 1903 - M and V setting posts. [???] settle [???]. J Hume here. Flo quite ill. Cooler.
16 May 1903 - Got already to take F to town to see Dr, but gave it up. Posts. Moderate.
17 May 1903 - Flo better. V and M go to Plunkets for potatoes. Drive Mand on wagon 1st ture [?]. Mrs Johnson and Nellie [???] caure [?].
20 May 1903 - Bonner gone wolfing. Van home at night. Flo gaining slowly. Very sore throat.
21 May 1903 - Van strung a few posts. Martha to supper. Gone to Stobes. Flo's throat better.
23 May 1903 - Stormy. Van hunted horses all day. Flo's throat all well. Turned calves out again.
Before Helm is 11 mos he stands by my clothes basket when I am washing and pulls out my clothes. I cry "hi!" at him and stamp my foot. Flo does the same. he looks at one then the other, sets himself down and hammering both heels on floor yells, "i i i."
17 Jul 1903 - Nellie and Bonner here to [???] Van. Made waists for Flora. Monte Bray here looking for roundup. Stayed all night. Cool. Nellie and Bonner here at noon. Nellie says Davis wants to resign his Administratorship in the Philbrick estate and she wants Van to assume it. Bonner tells us of a "faire counterie" up north 150 miles where we can feed our hungry stock this winter. On the south banks of the Missouri. He will go along and rent some cattle if he can. I think there is little doubt we shall go as soon as Van can get ready. Says the water is soft and fine drink water. That is a great inducement. Boyd is quite distracted over the idea of fishing, wishes to send at once for fishing tackle. Roena wants a bathing suit made at once.
[a little rhyme by Flora's sister Roena:]
Flora Margurite
Is so very sweet
That we are afraid the bees will eat er up dup.
*******************************************************************************
WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF ILLNESS AND DEATH OF A YOUNG CHILD
*******************************************************************************
11 Aug 1903 - Flo is quite ill. I hold her in arms most all day. Nellie and Fred Lazenby come in PM, Van after dark. A shower at 4.
12 Aug 1903 - We come to Pa's. Nellie, Fred, Fae, Roena and my babies and I. The women folks are gone to Harris's.
13 Aug 1903 - Flo rests poorly. Nellie stays up all night putting cool cloths on hot body. Flo is in a high fever. Roena and Fae are left at Morrisons, the rest of us go on to town. Mrs Johnson agrees to keep us and I am so thankful for that. Fred drives us to Dr Grey's office where I have my little one examined. Dr says she has acute tonsilitis and gives me medicine.
Aug 14, 1903 - Nellie and Fred visit the Reform school. Flo passed a wretched night. I scarcely slept a minute. Wilhelm is quite at home here. Dr comes at 11 AM and allays my fears. Says Flo is in no danger with good care. Mother gives herself up wholly to caring for the dear love--that is her best.
Aug 15 - Nellie's case was to have come off today, but Land fails to appear. Four times they have failed her. I go over town in PM leaving Nellie with the babies. Get an atomizer for Flo's throat. Nellie sets me to cooling my baby girl with wet cloths and ice water. Flo is more comfortable. Dr called. N stayed here all night.
Aug 16th - Nellie returns to pa's taking Wilhelm and picks up two girlies. It is such a relief to have my time to devote entirely to my fevered darling. Dr called today and Lily Lantis with him. Lily has fractured arm bone. Flo is kept in comparative comfort in cool cloths.
Aug 17 - Got a good nights rest with my dear dollie girl in cool towels. She is very weak and ill. She is saying "dove me mama". When I lay her on the cold wet towel she screams "bad egg mama." Another time she said "I don't dike oo mama!" in about a minute she said softly, "I dike oo mama." No Dr today.
Aug 18 - Pa here at 7 oclock. Dr at 11:30. Flo's fever continues and she has disinterry. Dr changes medicine. I take her temperature every hour from 2 PM until 8. Flo's rectum and vagina are inflamed and itching. I get carboli salve but it seems to do little good.
Wednesday 19 - Flo passed a bad night. I was up every 2 hours or less all night. Dr sent up a rubber pan and I flushed her bowels 3 times a day with water and witch hazel. Stopped colored medicine and throat wash.
Aug 20 - Pa married today. Flo baby very hot and weak and restless. I am getting much worried but Dr calls at 4 PM and says she is not dangerously ill. Gives medicine for kidneys. Makes plaster for irritated vagina and rectum but it does not calm the itching. Dear hands are put in mittens to keep fingers from scratching.
Aug 21 - Flo is delerious in night and rests very little. I am greatly worried. She fights me with mitten hands and wild eyes when she wakes from nap calling pitteously "mama mama mama". Sleeps from 12:30 till 3 then till 4. Dr examins urine. I make pink mosquito tent for her. Bessie comes to see us. Nellie comes to town with children but none come in and she takes them away again. My little love is not herself at all. Cries for mama in Mrs Johnson's lap while I am gone to closet. The dear eyes are dim and life light has given place to a dull stare. Dr comes and again gives me hope. She did not rest at night and is failing in strength. Pa looked in at night leaving coat and robes here. Goes away looking sorry.
Saturday 22 - My darling baby rested not at all last night and will not speak to nor notice me when I plead for a word. Dr comes and says he will consult with Dr Bruning. I know now that I must part with my baby girl who has lain on my heart and in my heart close oh so close these two past years and more. If by lifting my hand I could stay her life and make her well I would not do it. God knows how dear she is to me--too dear to bear life's burdens that a loving mother might not save her from. I do know and thank God that what time she has been with me has been all love and sunshine for we two, my dear dear baby girl and me. We have all loved her from the first and she has known nothing but love and sunshine. "Mama dove me?" Ah God, why must mothers love so much? All summer after she had taken the drink of "bossy milk" that was meat and drink to her at table the dear curly head must rest in my lap while I finished eating. If I had pushed her away how could I live now with the memory of it. The Drs come but they have no need to tell me more. I have sent word to poor papa to come. The dear face is swolen. Diphtheria is taking the sweet body from mother's arms. I must not kiss or hold her more. The sweet hands that have been held up a hundred times for me to kiss must be kissed no more.
Aug 23 - The dear life went out at 6:40 this morning without a moan. Oh God I thank thee that I did not have to see my baby strangle and choke. Dear Bessie's Johnsons linament relieved her when she got worse at 2 oclock, and with flannel on her throat she rested easy till the messenger came and took my blossom leaving only the faded petals. We left the house at 5 to lay the little cloak away in the earth. My old school mate Philo Haines spoke a few words at the grave and asked God's blessing upon us all. Darling Flo wears a new cloak now and maybe another pair of hands are reached to me from another sphere and a sweet voice calls "I know oo dove me mama." Dear mother Flora, now you may clasp in your arms my baby with your name. I am glad to give her to you, mama darling. God has been good to me.
Aug 23
Darling Bo ceases the sweet prattle and loving ways mother's heart has cherished so long. All summer long she has repeated the query, "Dove me mama?" Just a sweet comfort to me for the days that are to come. Kisses and kisses asked for and given, just like a big, big good by when the dear life must part from the mother who loved her so. One sweet dear blossom plucked from my garden, and ah I miss the sweet fragrance every day and every hour. Just one more kiss--ah just one.
24 Aug 1903 - Mrs Johnson and I wash the clothes. Papa and Boydie come. Father and Mabel call.
25 Aug 1903 - We look for Bruning to disinfect. Papa and Boydie go home.
26 Aug 1903 - Dr Bruning comes at noon and disinfects best he can.
27 Aug 1903 - Rained all day long. I read and wait.
28 Aug 1903 - Did most of the washing--a very big one. Very cold.
29 Aug 1903 - I did all the big ironing and am very tired.
30 Aug 1903 - I look for pa to take me home all day. I am longing to go.
Flo baby would sometimes say "I can't mama!" when asked to go into another room, and would place an arm over her eyes and go it blind fold, then come back on a run. Often went to her closet seat with dear eyes protected cause "I can't." During last illness I put cold, wet towels around her to reduce the fever. Once she was saying "Dove me mama?" then feeling the cold cloth cried out "bad egg mama!" Once she scolded me about the cold cloths "I don't like oo mama!" but very soon added in a sweet voice "I does dove oo mama." She spelled her name "F-o-L-o" for me always. Her favorite game was sitting on floor, often all alone playing "Simon says thumbs up." She would say "birds fly" and fly the dear fingers, "fishes swim" and swim her fishes then, horses fly, cows fly, and sheeps fly, regardless of Eena's repeated explaining that horses must not fly.
Flora was the third of four children born to C. W. and Annie Van Horn. The others were Boyd (1894-1992, my great-grandfather), Roena (1896-1963), and Wilhelm (1902-1928). During Flo's short life, the family lived on a horse and cattle ranch near Miles City, MT. Annie was a devoted mother with a strong sense of humor and passion for literature, and she wrote extensively about her children's activities in journals and datebooks (excerpts transcribed below).
Sometimes it can be easy to forget that the siblings of our ancestors who died in infancy or as young children were not just names mentioned in passing on a chart. The memories may fade as the decades pass, but those names and short lives represent a very real heartache that many of us living today have never known and rarely even thought about.
This memorial to my great-great-aunt Flora invites you to pause for a moment, and think about the life of a little child, less than three years old, who lived and died more than a hundred years ago. Once upon a time, she was very real indeed, and not so different from children today.
WARNING: Part of the following text includes Annie Van Horn's first-hand account of Flora's illness and death from diphtheria, which is somewhat medically graphic and also emotionally harrowing. It is not an easy read, but I feel that it belongs here. For readers who are sensitive to such things, I have put a row of asterisks (****) in the text below to warn that it is coming up.
I have retained Annie's spelling as much as possible, but clarified references [in parentheses] in places. In a few cases, I was unable to decipher Annie's handwriting.
1901
At four mos one week Flo plays a game with me. She lies on back on rug, kicks, strikes and pants for a moment, then turns face to get response when she giggles; and plays again for a long time. Yesterday took things in hand for first time and is just picking at objects with awkward fingers. Sings herself to sleep, "ah-ah-ah"
At 5 mos 3 weeks Flo shakes head slowly and repeatedly to play with the children. She has dinner then goes to bed awake at dark and with only mild protest goes to sleep alone. Only way I can get her to sleep except to go with her.
At 6 mos 6 days she sits alone and plays buttons for 20 minutes or thereabouts.
Says "mam, mam" when she wants me every time from 6 1/2 mos.
At 7 1/2 mos discovers active locomotion--creeping. When I rock-a-by, spreads mouth open wide and sings "ah! ah! ah! ba! ba! ba!" She is so happy to go where she wishes and get for self all the different things on the floor.
At 8 mos 1 week climbs by chairs readily and in two weeks more can walk with a hand to steady her. Marks on slate with pencil. Says "papa" and "bye, bye, bye". 8 1/2 mos first two teeth. Gets behind curtains and says "bow" (boo).
Roena says baby is wet as a watermelon.
At 9 1/2 mos stands alone. At 10 mos 4 days leaves wall and walks to me alone.
1902
When Flo is 13 1/2 mos old I have occasion to correct Roena with a switch, then I step to her as she lies in buggy to see if panties are wet, she frowns at me kicks and strikes, and as I go away holds out hands to Roena.
Before she is 14 mos old Flo says "ta" thank you with the most elaborate bow possible. Says "get out of that" calls "co boss!" "chick, chick, chick!" "Boyd, Boydie, Boydie!" says "duck" and lots of other words.
At 16 mos feeds herself nicely with a spoon and holds her cup nicely while she drinks.
Flo goes out and takes the dog's pork rind away from him, goes to eating it and tells him "To!" (thank you).
At 18 1/2 mos discards didies for panties and comes in from play regularly calling loudly, "mama!"
I find her in my chair at sewing machine looking very happy. She smiles and says "d'out" (get out), "mine."
Flo has learned to point finger and say "sh -- -- --!" at us. When in mischief she sh's me till I laugh then continues, as soon as I look over, back comes the finger at me some more.
Flo snatches things from W.helm. I say "I will spank you if you don't..." etc. She says "no, spank Bide."
1903
16 Jan 1903 - Van brot rooster home from Martin's. Jack Hume here. Flo's birthday. Weather warm.
W'helm sits in big chair playing with whisk broom. Flo takes it from him. I tell her to give it up. She stands and tells him to say "dup, dup!" (thank you). He smiles and reaches for the broom, then she lays it down strong. "Dup, dup!" she says bobbing up and down almost shaking the floor in her earnestness. Beez smiles and winks, makes futile reaches for the broom and Flo persists for a matter of five to ten minutes while I am laughing so I cannot enforce orders. She very much in earnest teaching manners to Beez.
She loves stories but when I tell them she laughs so I get to laughing and have to break off short.
Flo has a fashion of being "scared" on any or all occasions. She then puts her arm over her eyes and goes it blind to any place she pleases.
Picks up a paper and reads softly to herself "B-o-am-a-doose!"
4 Mar 1903 - Children have bad colds. Flo coughs hard. Helm very sore. Churned.
5 Mar 1903 - Children much better. V back from town. Another dead calf.
Flo is barefoot. She wishes to go out, finds and puts on one shoe, says she is going out. I say "one poor little foot will freeze in the snow." She sits down, slips off the one shoe, puts it on other foot and says, "Do out!"
6 Apr 1903 - Baker to dinner. Flo cried for papa. A stopped in. Snow gone. Raw wind.
21 Apr 1903 - Went to town, V, Flo, H and I. Overtook Mr Stobe and took him in.
[Wilhelm] takes steps alone the day before he is 10 mos old--just five days earlier than Flo did it.
6 May 1903 - Van cut posts and finished. Flo and Helm have bad colds.
Boyd and Roena are at Bakers at school. Flo is very lonesome for them. She finds a group picture, them and herself, and tells the names over several times with love in voice and eyes she says, "Elo, Eenea, Elo!"
11 May 1903 - Fencing. SH man called. Flo quite ill. Cold on lungs.
15 May 1903 - M and V setting posts. [???] settle [???]. J Hume here. Flo quite ill. Cooler.
16 May 1903 - Got already to take F to town to see Dr, but gave it up. Posts. Moderate.
17 May 1903 - Flo better. V and M go to Plunkets for potatoes. Drive Mand on wagon 1st ture [?]. Mrs Johnson and Nellie [???] caure [?].
20 May 1903 - Bonner gone wolfing. Van home at night. Flo gaining slowly. Very sore throat.
21 May 1903 - Van strung a few posts. Martha to supper. Gone to Stobes. Flo's throat better.
23 May 1903 - Stormy. Van hunted horses all day. Flo's throat all well. Turned calves out again.
Before Helm is 11 mos he stands by my clothes basket when I am washing and pulls out my clothes. I cry "hi!" at him and stamp my foot. Flo does the same. he looks at one then the other, sets himself down and hammering both heels on floor yells, "i i i."
17 Jul 1903 - Nellie and Bonner here to [???] Van. Made waists for Flora. Monte Bray here looking for roundup. Stayed all night. Cool. Nellie and Bonner here at noon. Nellie says Davis wants to resign his Administratorship in the Philbrick estate and she wants Van to assume it. Bonner tells us of a "faire counterie" up north 150 miles where we can feed our hungry stock this winter. On the south banks of the Missouri. He will go along and rent some cattle if he can. I think there is little doubt we shall go as soon as Van can get ready. Says the water is soft and fine drink water. That is a great inducement. Boyd is quite distracted over the idea of fishing, wishes to send at once for fishing tackle. Roena wants a bathing suit made at once.
[a little rhyme by Flora's sister Roena:]
Flora Margurite
Is so very sweet
That we are afraid the bees will eat er up dup.
*******************************************************************************
WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF ILLNESS AND DEATH OF A YOUNG CHILD
*******************************************************************************
11 Aug 1903 - Flo is quite ill. I hold her in arms most all day. Nellie and Fred Lazenby come in PM, Van after dark. A shower at 4.
12 Aug 1903 - We come to Pa's. Nellie, Fred, Fae, Roena and my babies and I. The women folks are gone to Harris's.
13 Aug 1903 - Flo rests poorly. Nellie stays up all night putting cool cloths on hot body. Flo is in a high fever. Roena and Fae are left at Morrisons, the rest of us go on to town. Mrs Johnson agrees to keep us and I am so thankful for that. Fred drives us to Dr Grey's office where I have my little one examined. Dr says she has acute tonsilitis and gives me medicine.
Aug 14, 1903 - Nellie and Fred visit the Reform school. Flo passed a wretched night. I scarcely slept a minute. Wilhelm is quite at home here. Dr comes at 11 AM and allays my fears. Says Flo is in no danger with good care. Mother gives herself up wholly to caring for the dear love--that is her best.
Aug 15 - Nellie's case was to have come off today, but Land fails to appear. Four times they have failed her. I go over town in PM leaving Nellie with the babies. Get an atomizer for Flo's throat. Nellie sets me to cooling my baby girl with wet cloths and ice water. Flo is more comfortable. Dr called. N stayed here all night.
Aug 16th - Nellie returns to pa's taking Wilhelm and picks up two girlies. It is such a relief to have my time to devote entirely to my fevered darling. Dr called today and Lily Lantis with him. Lily has fractured arm bone. Flo is kept in comparative comfort in cool cloths.
Aug 17 - Got a good nights rest with my dear dollie girl in cool towels. She is very weak and ill. She is saying "dove me mama". When I lay her on the cold wet towel she screams "bad egg mama." Another time she said "I don't dike oo mama!" in about a minute she said softly, "I dike oo mama." No Dr today.
Aug 18 - Pa here at 7 oclock. Dr at 11:30. Flo's fever continues and she has disinterry. Dr changes medicine. I take her temperature every hour from 2 PM until 8. Flo's rectum and vagina are inflamed and itching. I get carboli salve but it seems to do little good.
Wednesday 19 - Flo passed a bad night. I was up every 2 hours or less all night. Dr sent up a rubber pan and I flushed her bowels 3 times a day with water and witch hazel. Stopped colored medicine and throat wash.
Aug 20 - Pa married today. Flo baby very hot and weak and restless. I am getting much worried but Dr calls at 4 PM and says she is not dangerously ill. Gives medicine for kidneys. Makes plaster for irritated vagina and rectum but it does not calm the itching. Dear hands are put in mittens to keep fingers from scratching.
Aug 21 - Flo is delerious in night and rests very little. I am greatly worried. She fights me with mitten hands and wild eyes when she wakes from nap calling pitteously "mama mama mama". Sleeps from 12:30 till 3 then till 4. Dr examins urine. I make pink mosquito tent for her. Bessie comes to see us. Nellie comes to town with children but none come in and she takes them away again. My little love is not herself at all. Cries for mama in Mrs Johnson's lap while I am gone to closet. The dear eyes are dim and life light has given place to a dull stare. Dr comes and again gives me hope. She did not rest at night and is failing in strength. Pa looked in at night leaving coat and robes here. Goes away looking sorry.
Saturday 22 - My darling baby rested not at all last night and will not speak to nor notice me when I plead for a word. Dr comes and says he will consult with Dr Bruning. I know now that I must part with my baby girl who has lain on my heart and in my heart close oh so close these two past years and more. If by lifting my hand I could stay her life and make her well I would not do it. God knows how dear she is to me--too dear to bear life's burdens that a loving mother might not save her from. I do know and thank God that what time she has been with me has been all love and sunshine for we two, my dear dear baby girl and me. We have all loved her from the first and she has known nothing but love and sunshine. "Mama dove me?" Ah God, why must mothers love so much? All summer after she had taken the drink of "bossy milk" that was meat and drink to her at table the dear curly head must rest in my lap while I finished eating. If I had pushed her away how could I live now with the memory of it. The Drs come but they have no need to tell me more. I have sent word to poor papa to come. The dear face is swolen. Diphtheria is taking the sweet body from mother's arms. I must not kiss or hold her more. The sweet hands that have been held up a hundred times for me to kiss must be kissed no more.
Aug 23 - The dear life went out at 6:40 this morning without a moan. Oh God I thank thee that I did not have to see my baby strangle and choke. Dear Bessie's Johnsons linament relieved her when she got worse at 2 oclock, and with flannel on her throat she rested easy till the messenger came and took my blossom leaving only the faded petals. We left the house at 5 to lay the little cloak away in the earth. My old school mate Philo Haines spoke a few words at the grave and asked God's blessing upon us all. Darling Flo wears a new cloak now and maybe another pair of hands are reached to me from another sphere and a sweet voice calls "I know oo dove me mama." Dear mother Flora, now you may clasp in your arms my baby with your name. I am glad to give her to you, mama darling. God has been good to me.
Aug 23
Darling Bo ceases the sweet prattle and loving ways mother's heart has cherished so long. All summer long she has repeated the query, "Dove me mama?" Just a sweet comfort to me for the days that are to come. Kisses and kisses asked for and given, just like a big, big good by when the dear life must part from the mother who loved her so. One sweet dear blossom plucked from my garden, and ah I miss the sweet fragrance every day and every hour. Just one more kiss--ah just one.
24 Aug 1903 - Mrs Johnson and I wash the clothes. Papa and Boydie come. Father and Mabel call.
25 Aug 1903 - We look for Bruning to disinfect. Papa and Boydie go home.
26 Aug 1903 - Dr Bruning comes at noon and disinfects best he can.
27 Aug 1903 - Rained all day long. I read and wait.
28 Aug 1903 - Did most of the washing--a very big one. Very cold.
29 Aug 1903 - I did all the big ironing and am very tired.
30 Aug 1903 - I look for pa to take me home all day. I am longing to go.
Flo baby would sometimes say "I can't mama!" when asked to go into another room, and would place an arm over her eyes and go it blind fold, then come back on a run. Often went to her closet seat with dear eyes protected cause "I can't." During last illness I put cold, wet towels around her to reduce the fever. Once she was saying "Dove me mama?" then feeling the cold cloth cried out "bad egg mama!" Once she scolded me about the cold cloths "I don't like oo mama!" but very soon added in a sweet voice "I does dove oo mama." She spelled her name "F-o-L-o" for me always. Her favorite game was sitting on floor, often all alone playing "Simon says thumbs up." She would say "birds fly" and fly the dear fingers, "fishes swim" and swim her fishes then, horses fly, cows fly, and sheeps fly, regardless of Eena's repeated explaining that horses must not fly.
Sometimes it can be easy to forget that the siblings of our ancestors who died in infancy or as young children were not just names mentioned in passing on a chart. The memories may fade as the decades pass, but those names and short lives represent a very real heartache that many of us living today have never known and rarely even thought about.
This memorial to my great-great-aunt Flora invites you to pause for a moment, and think about the life of a little child, less than three years old, who lived and died more than a hundred years ago. Once upon a time, she was very real indeed, and not so different from children today.
WARNING: Part of the following text includes Annie Van Horn's first-hand account of Flora's illness and death from diphtheria, which is somewhat medically graphic and also emotionally harrowing. It is not an easy read, but I feel that it belongs here. For readers who are sensitive to such things, I have put a row of asterisks (****) in the text below to warn that it is coming up.
I have retained Annie's spelling as much as possible, but clarified references [in parentheses] in places. In a few cases, I was unable to decipher Annie's handwriting.
1901
At four mos one week Flo plays a game with me. She lies on back on rug, kicks, strikes and pants for a moment, then turns face to get response when she giggles; and plays again for a long time. Yesterday took things in hand for first time and is just picking at objects with awkward fingers. Sings herself to sleep, "ah-ah-ah"
At 5 mos 3 weeks Flo shakes head slowly and repeatedly to play with the children. She has dinner then goes to bed awake at dark and with only mild protest goes to sleep alone. Only way I can get her to sleep except to go with her.
At 6 mos 6 days she sits alone and plays buttons for 20 minutes or thereabouts.
Says "mam, mam" when she wants me every time from 6 1/2 mos.
At 7 1/2 mos discovers active locomotion--creeping. When I rock-a-by, spreads mouth open wide and sings "ah! ah! ah! ba! ba! ba!" She is so happy to go where she wishes and get for self all the different things on the floor.
At 8 mos 1 week climbs by chairs readily and in two weeks more can walk with a hand to steady her. Marks on slate with pencil. Says "papa" and "bye, bye, bye". 8 1/2 mos first two teeth. Gets behind curtains and says "bow" (boo).
Roena says baby is wet as a watermelon.
At 9 1/2 mos stands alone. At 10 mos 4 days leaves wall and walks to me alone.
1902
When Flo is 13 1/2 mos old I have occasion to correct Roena with a switch, then I step to her as she lies in buggy to see if panties are wet, she frowns at me kicks and strikes, and as I go away holds out hands to Roena.
Before she is 14 mos old Flo says "ta" thank you with the most elaborate bow possible. Says "get out of that" calls "co boss!" "chick, chick, chick!" "Boyd, Boydie, Boydie!" says "duck" and lots of other words.
At 16 mos feeds herself nicely with a spoon and holds her cup nicely while she drinks.
Flo goes out and takes the dog's pork rind away from him, goes to eating it and tells him "To!" (thank you).
At 18 1/2 mos discards didies for panties and comes in from play regularly calling loudly, "mama!"
I find her in my chair at sewing machine looking very happy. She smiles and says "d'out" (get out), "mine."
Flo has learned to point finger and say "sh -- -- --!" at us. When in mischief she sh's me till I laugh then continues, as soon as I look over, back comes the finger at me some more.
Flo snatches things from W.helm. I say "I will spank you if you don't..." etc. She says "no, spank Bide."
1903
16 Jan 1903 - Van brot rooster home from Martin's. Jack Hume here. Flo's birthday. Weather warm.
W'helm sits in big chair playing with whisk broom. Flo takes it from him. I tell her to give it up. She stands and tells him to say "dup, dup!" (thank you). He smiles and reaches for the broom, then she lays it down strong. "Dup, dup!" she says bobbing up and down almost shaking the floor in her earnestness. Beez smiles and winks, makes futile reaches for the broom and Flo persists for a matter of five to ten minutes while I am laughing so I cannot enforce orders. She very much in earnest teaching manners to Beez.
She loves stories but when I tell them she laughs so I get to laughing and have to break off short.
Flo has a fashion of being "scared" on any or all occasions. She then puts her arm over her eyes and goes it blind to any place she pleases.
Picks up a paper and reads softly to herself "B-o-am-a-doose!"
4 Mar 1903 - Children have bad colds. Flo coughs hard. Helm very sore. Churned.
5 Mar 1903 - Children much better. V back from town. Another dead calf.
Flo is barefoot. She wishes to go out, finds and puts on one shoe, says she is going out. I say "one poor little foot will freeze in the snow." She sits down, slips off the one shoe, puts it on other foot and says, "Do out!"
6 Apr 1903 - Baker to dinner. Flo cried for papa. A stopped in. Snow gone. Raw wind.
21 Apr 1903 - Went to town, V, Flo, H and I. Overtook Mr Stobe and took him in.
[Wilhelm] takes steps alone the day before he is 10 mos old--just five days earlier than Flo did it.
6 May 1903 - Van cut posts and finished. Flo and Helm have bad colds.
Boyd and Roena are at Bakers at school. Flo is very lonesome for them. She finds a group picture, them and herself, and tells the names over several times with love in voice and eyes she says, "Elo, Eenea, Elo!"
11 May 1903 - Fencing. SH man called. Flo quite ill. Cold on lungs.
15 May 1903 - M and V setting posts. [???] settle [???]. J Hume here. Flo quite ill. Cooler.
16 May 1903 - Got already to take F to town to see Dr, but gave it up. Posts. Moderate.
17 May 1903 - Flo better. V and M go to Plunkets for potatoes. Drive Mand on wagon 1st ture [?]. Mrs Johnson and Nellie [???] caure [?].
20 May 1903 - Bonner gone wolfing. Van home at night. Flo gaining slowly. Very sore throat.
21 May 1903 - Van strung a few posts. Martha to supper. Gone to Stobes. Flo's throat better.
23 May 1903 - Stormy. Van hunted horses all day. Flo's throat all well. Turned calves out again.
Before Helm is 11 mos he stands by my clothes basket when I am washing and pulls out my clothes. I cry "hi!" at him and stamp my foot. Flo does the same. he looks at one then the other, sets himself down and hammering both heels on floor yells, "i i i."
17 Jul 1903 - Nellie and Bonner here to [???] Van. Made waists for Flora. Monte Bray here looking for roundup. Stayed all night. Cool. Nellie and Bonner here at noon. Nellie says Davis wants to resign his Administratorship in the Philbrick estate and she wants Van to assume it. Bonner tells us of a "faire counterie" up north 150 miles where we can feed our hungry stock this winter. On the south banks of the Missouri. He will go along and rent some cattle if he can. I think there is little doubt we shall go as soon as Van can get ready. Says the water is soft and fine drink water. That is a great inducement. Boyd is quite distracted over the idea of fishing, wishes to send at once for fishing tackle. Roena wants a bathing suit made at once.
[a little rhyme by Flora's sister Roena:]
Flora Margurite
Is so very sweet
That we are afraid the bees will eat er up dup.
*******************************************************************************
WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF ILLNESS AND DEATH OF A YOUNG CHILD
*******************************************************************************
11 Aug 1903 - Flo is quite ill. I hold her in arms most all day. Nellie and Fred Lazenby come in PM, Van after dark. A shower at 4.
12 Aug 1903 - We come to Pa's. Nellie, Fred, Fae, Roena and my babies and I. The women folks are gone to Harris's.
13 Aug 1903 - Flo rests poorly. Nellie stays up all night putting cool cloths on hot body. Flo is in a high fever. Roena and Fae are left at Morrisons, the rest of us go on to town. Mrs Johnson agrees to keep us and I am so thankful for that. Fred drives us to Dr Grey's office where I have my little one examined. Dr says she has acute tonsilitis and gives me medicine.
Aug 14, 1903 - Nellie and Fred visit the Reform school. Flo passed a wretched night. I scarcely slept a minute. Wilhelm is quite at home here. Dr comes at 11 AM and allays my fears. Says Flo is in no danger with good care. Mother gives herself up wholly to caring for the dear love--that is her best.
Aug 15 - Nellie's case was to have come off today, but Land fails to appear. Four times they have failed her. I go over town in PM leaving Nellie with the babies. Get an atomizer for Flo's throat. Nellie sets me to cooling my baby girl with wet cloths and ice water. Flo is more comfortable. Dr called. N stayed here all night.
Aug 16th - Nellie returns to pa's taking Wilhelm and picks up two girlies. It is such a relief to have my time to devote entirely to my fevered darling. Dr called today and Lily Lantis with him. Lily has fractured arm bone. Flo is kept in comparative comfort in cool cloths.
Aug 17 - Got a good nights rest with my dear dollie girl in cool towels. She is very weak and ill. She is saying "dove me mama". When I lay her on the cold wet towel she screams "bad egg mama." Another time she said "I don't dike oo mama!" in about a minute she said softly, "I dike oo mama." No Dr today.
Aug 18 - Pa here at 7 oclock. Dr at 11:30. Flo's fever continues and she has disinterry. Dr changes medicine. I take her temperature every hour from 2 PM until 8. Flo's rectum and vagina are inflamed and itching. I get carboli salve but it seems to do little good.
Wednesday 19 - Flo passed a bad night. I was up every 2 hours or less all night. Dr sent up a rubber pan and I flushed her bowels 3 times a day with water and witch hazel. Stopped colored medicine and throat wash.
Aug 20 - Pa married today. Flo baby very hot and weak and restless. I am getting much worried but Dr calls at 4 PM and says she is not dangerously ill. Gives medicine for kidneys. Makes plaster for irritated vagina and rectum but it does not calm the itching. Dear hands are put in mittens to keep fingers from scratching.
Aug 21 - Flo is delerious in night and rests very little. I am greatly worried. She fights me with mitten hands and wild eyes when she wakes from nap calling pitteously "mama mama mama". Sleeps from 12:30 till 3 then till 4. Dr examins urine. I make pink mosquito tent for her. Bessie comes to see us. Nellie comes to town with children but none come in and she takes them away again. My little love is not herself at all. Cries for mama in Mrs Johnson's lap while I am gone to closet. The dear eyes are dim and life light has given place to a dull stare. Dr comes and again gives me hope. She did not rest at night and is failing in strength. Pa looked in at night leaving coat and robes here. Goes away looking sorry.
Saturday 22 - My darling baby rested not at all last night and will not speak to nor notice me when I plead for a word. Dr comes and says he will consult with Dr Bruning. I know now that I must part with my baby girl who has lain on my heart and in my heart close oh so close these two past years and more. If by lifting my hand I could stay her life and make her well I would not do it. God knows how dear she is to me--too dear to bear life's burdens that a loving mother might not save her from. I do know and thank God that what time she has been with me has been all love and sunshine for we two, my dear dear baby girl and me. We have all loved her from the first and she has known nothing but love and sunshine. "Mama dove me?" Ah God, why must mothers love so much? All summer after she had taken the drink of "bossy milk" that was meat and drink to her at table the dear curly head must rest in my lap while I finished eating. If I had pushed her away how could I live now with the memory of it. The Drs come but they have no need to tell me more. I have sent word to poor papa to come. The dear face is swolen. Diphtheria is taking the sweet body from mother's arms. I must not kiss or hold her more. The sweet hands that have been held up a hundred times for me to kiss must be kissed no more.
Aug 23 - The dear life went out at 6:40 this morning without a moan. Oh God I thank thee that I did not have to see my baby strangle and choke. Dear Bessie's Johnsons linament relieved her when she got worse at 2 oclock, and with flannel on her throat she rested easy till the messenger came and took my blossom leaving only the faded petals. We left the house at 5 to lay the little cloak away in the earth. My old school mate Philo Haines spoke a few words at the grave and asked God's blessing upon us all. Darling Flo wears a new cloak now and maybe another pair of hands are reached to me from another sphere and a sweet voice calls "I know oo dove me mama." Dear mother Flora, now you may clasp in your arms my baby with your name. I am glad to give her to you, mama darling. God has been good to me.
Aug 23
Darling Bo ceases the sweet prattle and loving ways mother's heart has cherished so long. All summer long she has repeated the query, "Dove me mama?" Just a sweet comfort to me for the days that are to come. Kisses and kisses asked for and given, just like a big, big good by when the dear life must part from the mother who loved her so. One sweet dear blossom plucked from my garden, and ah I miss the sweet fragrance every day and every hour. Just one more kiss--ah just one.
24 Aug 1903 - Mrs Johnson and I wash the clothes. Papa and Boydie come. Father and Mabel call.
25 Aug 1903 - We look for Bruning to disinfect. Papa and Boydie go home.
26 Aug 1903 - Dr Bruning comes at noon and disinfects best he can.
27 Aug 1903 - Rained all day long. I read and wait.
28 Aug 1903 - Did most of the washing--a very big one. Very cold.
29 Aug 1903 - I did all the big ironing and am very tired.
30 Aug 1903 - I look for pa to take me home all day. I am longing to go.
Flo baby would sometimes say "I can't mama!" when asked to go into another room, and would place an arm over her eyes and go it blind fold, then come back on a run. Often went to her closet seat with dear eyes protected cause "I can't." During last illness I put cold, wet towels around her to reduce the fever. Once she was saying "Dove me mama?" then feeling the cold cloth cried out "bad egg mama!" Once she scolded me about the cold cloths "I don't like oo mama!" but very soon added in a sweet voice "I does dove oo mama." She spelled her name "F-o-L-o" for me always. Her favorite game was sitting on floor, often all alone playing "Simon says thumbs up." She would say "birds fly" and fly the dear fingers, "fishes swim" and swim her fishes then, horses fly, cows fly, and sheeps fly, regardless of Eena's repeated explaining that horses must not fly.
Inscription
FLORA MARGUERITE
DAUGHTER OF
CHAS. W. AND ANNIE M.
VAN HORN
BORN JAN. 16, 1901
DIED AUG. 23, 1903
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